It’s no secret that living in New York is challenging. But when it starts to feel impossible, you may want to ask yourself whether you’re doing it wrong. Because while many people are fumbling around with overpriced groceries, bad pre-theater meals, and soaring rents, some people are not. These New Yorkers have mastered not just how to survive here but also how to thrive here — and in How to Be a New Yorker, the next installment of our subscriber-exclusive New York Night School newsletter series, we’re going to teach you how to be one of them.

Over the course of six weeks, you’ll take in a rarefied collection of municipal tips, tricks, and hacks that even the most jaded New Yorkers may not have known until now. We reached out to ER doctors, traffic attorneys, and particularly New York–y New Yorkers like Alison Stewart and Gay Talese for advice, but most of the wisdom comes from the shrewd, budget-minded New York Magazine editorial hive mind. There’ll be no “fun facts” — while it’s interesting to know that Central Park is bigger than the country of Monaco, it doesn’t make living here any easier. And we’re not promising a comprehensive list. Instead, consider this a crash course in attaining the knowledge set that New Yorkers who grew up here have amassed over decades. This is your guide to beating the system, even in this impossible city of ours.

Sign up and soon you’ll be able to fill in these blanks:

If you’d rather not spend a small fortune on parking at JFK, drive to _____________.
The ________________ offers $3 haircuts.
The bars that will most impress visiting family members are __________.
If you find yourself in an ambulance, tell the driver to take you to _____________.
The best way to get cheap Knicks tickets is to ___________.
If you need a replacement toilet valve in the middle of the night, ___________________.
Did you know you can do your interview for Global Entry at the __________________?
You can avoid the lines at the Met Museum by _____________.
Matthew Broderick’s favorite pretheater dinner is ___________.
The only touristy restaurant worth eating at is _______________.
__________ is the best night to see a Broadway show.
And whatever you do, don’t see ______________.

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